


love

by asexuelf



Series: Emotions Challenge [9]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: Arguing, Butch Aveline Vallen, Butch Character, Butch Identity, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Genderqueer, Mage (Dragon Age) Rights, Making Up, Neopronouns, Post-Canon, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition - Trespasser DLC, Relationship Issues, aveline is hard headed af, aveline's gender is protector aka butch mood, but damn if ze doesnt love hir girl, id tag idiots in love but thats not fair to leliana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-22 14:36:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21303710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asexuelf/pseuds/asexuelf
Summary: It feels impossible sometimes to play the line between love and duty, especially when one can't decide where that line lies.
Relationships: Leliana/Aveline Vallen
Series: Emotions Challenge [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1484987
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	love

**Author's Note:**

> i hereby dub this 'gingershipping'. all we need is varania for the ultimate redhead ot3. this was written day 3 of nanowrimo, so maybe that'll be day 4 😉
> 
> this fic contains butch/genderqueer woman aveline. hir pronouns are ze/hir/hirs. if that upsets you, please do not comment about it. i dont really care if you hate nonbinary people or if you think women should only use a certain wordset. that's your deal, not mine.
> 
> otherwise - enjoy! and happy 10th anniversary to dragon age :3

Shoving their few belongings into their shared bags is hardly difficult work, but ze does it slowly and methodically anyways. Ze has to do it _ right_, for hir girl, for their future, but ze can't seem to find out how. When ze finishes, ze pulls everything back out and does it again. It isn't right. It isn't _ right_.

No matter how the clothes are arranged, no matter if the books are on top or beneath, it doesn't matter. It isn't right. Because no matter how the bags are arranged, no matter what ze does, hir girl isn't staying. And ze can't follow her.

"Aveline," Ze turns at the sound of her voice. "Have you been packing this entire time?"

"Leliana… I-" With a heavy sigh, ze slumps onto the bed, chin tucked to hir chest. Without hir armor, she feels nude. Under the gaze of Leliana, even more so. "Yes. I didn't mean for it to take so long."

Leliana makes her way around the bed, graceful like she always is, and sits beside hir. The bed doesn't creak under her like it did Aveline. The rogue says nothing, just takes hold of Aveline's hand in both of hers and _ loves _ at hir like she's one of her mages, casting some mind spell. Aveline can feel it in every molecule of hir being. It hurts.

"Damn it," ze curses.

"...This is about the College?"

Aveline huffs. Ze brings her head up and gazes at the wooden ceiling, blinking to fight back tears. "Of course it is. And it's always down to this, isn't it?"

Leliana's red hair enters hir vision, cut roughly to the middle of her neck just last night by Aveline's own hand. How this woman trusted hir to do that when hir own hair is cropped nearly to the root is beyond hir, but ze feels ze did well. But then, Leliana would be beautiful no matter how her hair was cut.

"I don't understand," she says "Down to what?"

"This mage rebellion has taken more from me than it's given to the mages."

Her face is round and open, even hard as her eyes often grow, girlish even when haunted. It's this way now, confused and young and disappointed as ze stares into those eyes. "Aveline, that's a terrible thing to say."

Ze laughs humorlessly. "Isn't it? Leliana, I understand duty. I understand you have a duty to these people and to the Maker. By the Void, I married a _ Templar _. Being second-place to mages is hardly new to me-"

"Aveline, if this is torturing you so much-" Leliana shakes her head. She looks angry, suddenly, eyes as firey as her hair. "My Aveline, _ come with me._"

As if that hadn't crossed hir mind. "I want to." Ze can admit that at least to hirself. At least to Leliana. "I really want to."

"Then _ do it. _ Stop despairing so-"

"I'm needed in Kirkwall-"

"No. The repairs in Kirkwall are very nearly finished. You heard Varric. He can find a Guard Captain, my Aveline." Ze realizes with dawning horror that Leliana's eyes are growing wet. "You say you understand duty, but that's because you think you're doing yours. _ I'm _ not following my duty, you are staying behind for-"

Aveline stands. "No. That's not-"

"It is!" This time, the bed does creak beneath Leliana. She kneels on the bed, their meagre belongings beneath her, clothes wrinkling further. Her hands are warm against Aveline's shoulders, holding hir just a little too tightly. She turns hir to face her, and Aveline can scarcely bring hirself to meet her eyes. "I have already lost women I loved to duty. Marjolane, lost before I had her. My Warden, lost to-"

When Leliana's voice breaks, so does Aveline's heart. Hir hands close around Leliana's slender wrists. "Leli," ze sighs.

"No! Do not talk to me about duty. I understand duty."

This is the part where she storms out, stands and leaves the room, door slamming behind her. It's what Wesley would do, back when Aveline was still her father's daughter. Now Leliana stays. She isn't Wesley. Aveline isn't the person ze used to be.

Gently, so gently, Aveline lets go of Leliana just to wrap hir arms around her slender waist. "I love you," ze says.

"You are awfully funny about showing it."

Aveline laughs because it's easier than crying. Has ze become Wesley, distant and short with the woman he claimed to love? Certain that duty to strangers - to rules made by ancient men in power - was more important than duty to his love? To himself?

Would ze leave the scar on Leliana's heart that Wesley left of hir own that day when the Blight took him?

"I know," ze says miserably, voice no louder than a whisper. "I just- If it were not for me, Kirkwall would still be whole. I should have seen-"

"If it were not for the Templars who tortured your friend, if it were not for the red lyrium that brought madness to every man it touched, if it were not for the Qunari, if it were not for the Chantry, if it were not for the Blight-" Leliana shook her head wildly. "You ridiculous woman! You are trying to take the blame for the wrongs of the world. If you feel you have a duty to the people of Kirkwall, then I understand. But you can come with me. Help the mages. That will help Kirkwall and more."

Aveline could sit and ponder it for hours, look deep into what healing would mean for someone like hir. What this could mean in relation to Wesley, to the Wardens, to hirself. What it could mean for every time ze sent a mage to the Circle because hir duty demanded it.

But ze is selfish, in the end. Ze's only a woman, with a heart right here in front of hir.

"I'll go," ze says, and the way Leliana's face glows like firelight is enough. Ze has a duty, but not in the way ze thought. Ze has a duty right here to the woman in front of hir and ze will make good on it. 

Ze will do what ze must for this girl. From now til the end of hir days.

Leliana presses their foreheads together, holding hir tight. Ze takes a step closer. Brings Leliana closer.

"We should finish packing," she says.

Suddenly light, Aveline laughs. "Yes. Yes, we should."

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! i hope you liked 💖


End file.
